What is emotional intelligence really?
The person with strong emotional intelligence is skilled in four areas:
identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions,and regulating emotions.” — Mayer and Salovey
Emotional Intelligence Definition?
Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions.
Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others.
Emotions can drive our behavior and impact (positive & negative) people, that’s why learning how to manage those emotions can be priceless.
By learning to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment,
you can increase your self-awareness of them with more clarity,
rather than having them blurred by your assumptions.
Emotional Intelligence Example
Imagine the feelings Mike had every time he went to work constantly frustrated about the jokes and harassment, he received from his colleague Ben.
From comments about Mike’s clothes, insults how stupid and lazy does the work, jokes about his inability to finish some project, etc.
After 2 years of almost every day frustrations, Mike had 2 options:
Either he fights and defeats Ben, and shows he’s the dominant alpha male, which was hard to even imagine for Mike because Ben was a big guy.
Option 2 was to reveal why and what was causing Ben to behave like this, and try to understand him for his actions, which wasn’t an easy job to do as well.
Mike decided to learn more about what Emotional Intelligence is
by researching on google & reading books and soon as he gathered basic knowledge of what that is he decided to put it into action.
Long story short, after observing and analyzing his colleague for 15 days, Mike finds out that in his childhood Ben’s father used to talk to him in the same way, treating him as a looser & constantly destroying
his self-confidence and self-image,
which created deep insecurities especially when Ben is surrounded by other people.
This leads to Ben forming a defensive mechanism in his mind that,
as a result, he attacks and insults others before they joke or insult him.
After discovering this Mike forgets about the humiliation he was receiving from Ben and decides to help him by talking and explaining to his colleague how his actions affected him negatively and what was the reason for that.
Since Mike was talking the truth, his colleague was interested in hearing and learning more about what Emotional Intelligence is and how he can start improving his life as well.
They become very close friends helping each other and caring for one another in the future.
Emotional Intelligence Importance
Emotional Intelligence relates to this story and similar situations in our everyday life because sometimes we don’t see our weakness or stupidity rationally and that can shift us in a completely different course in our lives.
What Emotional intelligence is really allowing us to understand ourselves better, connect with others, empathize with our coworkers, have deep conversations about our relationship with our loved ones, and live a more authentic, healthy & happy life.
As humans, we’re highly emotional and social!
Being able to understand your emotions in this crazy world nowadays, can only bring you to benefit in the long run.
Being emotionally Intelligent can help you connect and interact
with others easier, improve your communication skills, help you become more resilient and lower levels of insecurity or depression.
Emotional intelligence is always the result of education in how to interpret ourselves, our emotions, our fears, our wishes in society and it
would be ideal if young kids can have some basic knowledge while they’re in school before they make too many mistakes later in life.
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence?
There are lot more tools and things to cultivate EI, but I’ll share
5 tips I’ve used so far:
4. Breath Deeply
5. Predict Your Feelings
The CEO of Emotional Intelligence.
The ability to have a deep understanding of yourself,
knowing what you feel and why you feel it can be powerful and
gives you more accurate perceptions to recognize your emotions
as they happen.
To increase your self-awareness, make an effort to observe & reflect on your strengths, triggers, patterns, weaknesses, values & developmental opportunities so that you are in the best position to be internally familiar with yourself.
The ability to understand other people’s emotions.
Understanding that everyone has their own set of feelings, desires,
triggers, and fears.
To be empathetic you feel what the other person is feeling &
you’re allowing their experiences to resonate with yours in order
to respond in an emotionally appropriate way.
It’s a rare skill not too many of us are having, so taking the time to learn this skill can have a unique experience and impact on you.
People with empathy are skilled at putting themselves in others’ shoes.
So, consider situations from others’ perspectives to better understand
those around you.
This insight will enable you to connect with them more effectively,
and may even teach you something about yourself in the process.
Complaining unlocks two things – that we are victims &
that there aren’t solutions to our problems.
So every time when you notice yourself having some thoughts or
feel like you want to complain, remember the 2 options above.
Remember that complaining can become addictive, especially if
you’re around people who complain a lot.
Rarely does an emotionally intelligent person complain or feel victimized, and even feels that there isn’t a solution to a problem.
So instead of looking for someone or something to blame, they think constructively and find the solution in peaceful private places.
4. Breath Deeply!
When we are stressed emotionally, our bodies react as there’s a threat nearby.
Our heart rate speeds up, blood vessels drop and our eye vision is unclear.
This is why smokers when they need nicotine, they get the stress response and these chemical symptoms start happening and you need a quick fix by lighting a cigarette and inhale deeply.
I will link 3 breathing techniques you can try!
5. Predict Your Feelings
Think and plan a situation or place you’re going into and predict how you will feel.
Be sure to give every feeling a name or even better write the name if
it’s more convenient because naming the feeling puts you in control.
Try to choose an appropriate reaction to the feeling rather than just reacting to it.
In Conclusion later when home or in a peaceful place, analyze some of the emotions that were unpleasant or unclear to you. (What/Why Analyze)
“Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to
experience a breakthrough.
Only through managing our emotions can we access our Intellect
and our technical competence.
An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure.”-Dave Lennick, Executive VP, American Express-
I Recommend This Book For Greater Understanding of Emotional Intelligence: Thinking, Fast and Slow- By Daniel Kahneman
Emotional Intelligence Quotes
“Emotion can be the enemy, if you give in to your emotion,
you lose yourself.
You must be at one with your emotions because the body
always follows the mind.”
“When a man is a prey to his emotions, he is not his own master.”
“The emotions of man are stirred more quickly than man’s intelligence.”
Anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry
with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time
and for the right purpose, and in the right way…
that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.
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