The person with emotional intelligence is skilled in four areas:
identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions,
and regulating emotions.” — Mayer and Salovey
Emotional Intelligence-Short Story
Imagine the feelings Mike had every time he went to work
constantly frustrated about the jokes and harassment,
he received from his colleague Ben.
From comments about Mike’s clothes, insults how stupid and lazy
he does the work, jokes about his inability to finish some project etc.
After 2 years of almost every day frustrations, Mike had 2 options:
Either he fights and defeats Ben, and shows he’s the dominant alpha male,
which was hard to even imagine for Mike because Ben was a big guy.
Option 2 was to reveal why and what was causing Ben to behave like this,
and try to understand him for his actions,
which wasn’t an easy job to do as well.
Long story short, after observing and analyzing his colleague for 15 days,
Mike finds out that in his childhood Ben’s father used to talk
to him in the same way, treating him as a looser & constantly destroying
his self-confidence and self-image, which created deep insecurities especially
when Ben is surrounded by other people.
This leads to Ben forming a defensive mechanism in his mind that,
as a result he attacks and insults others before they joke or insult him.
After discovering this Mike forget about the humiliation he was receiving
from Ben and decide to help him by talking and explaining to his colleague
how his actions affected him negatively and what was the reason for that.
Since Mike was talking the truth, his colleague was interested in hearing
and learning more about Emotional Intelligence and improving his life as well.
They become very close friends helping each other
and caring for one another in the future.
What’s The Benefit of Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence relates to this story and similar situations
in our everyday life because sometimes we don’t see our weakness or
stupidity rationally and that can shift us in a completely different course in our lives.
Emotional intelligence allows us to understand ourselves better,
connect with others, empathize with our coworkers, have deep conversations
about our relationship with our loved ones,
and live a more authentic, healthy & happy life.
As humans, we’re highly emotional and social!
Being able to understand your emotions in this crazy world nowadays,
can only bring you to benefit in the long run.
Being emotionally Intelligent can help you connect and interact
with others easier, improve your communication skills,
help you become more resilient and lower levels of insecurity or depression.
Emotional intelligence is always the result of education
in how to interpret ourselves, our emotions, our fears,
our wishes in society and it would be ideal if young kids
can have some basic knowledge while they’re in school before
they make too many mistakes later in life.
Simple Definition of Emotional Intelligence?
Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions.
Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others.
Emotions can drive our behavior and impact (positive & negative) people,
that’s why learning how to manage those emotions can be priceless.
By learning to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment,
you can increase your self-awareness of them with more clarity,
rather than having them blurred by your assumptions.
How to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence?
There are lot more tools and things to cultivate EI,
but I’ll share 5 tips I’ve used so far:
4. Breath Deeply
5. Predict Your Feelings
The CEO of Emotional Intelligence.
The ability to have a deep understanding of yourself, knowing what you feel
and why you feel it can be powerful and gives you more accurate perceptions
to recognize your emotions as they happen.
To increase your self-awareness, make an effort to observe & reflect on
your strengths, triggers, patterns, weaknesses, values & developmental
opportunities so that you are in the best position
to be internally familiar with yourself.
The ability to understand other people’s emotions.
Understanding that everyone has their own set of feelings,
desires, triggers, and fears.
To be empathetic you feel what the other person is feeling &
you’re allowing their experiences to resonate with yours in order
to respond in an emotionally appropriate way.
It’s a rare skill not too many of us are having, so taking the time to learn
this skill can have a unique experience and impact on you.
People with empathy are skilled at putting themselves in others’ shoes.
So, consider situations from others’ perspectives to
better understand those around you.
This insight will enable you to connect with them more effectively,
and may even teach you something about yourself in the process.
Complaining unlocks two things – that we are victims & that
there aren’t solutions to our problems.
So every time when you notice yourself having some thoughts or
feel like you want to complain, remember the 2 options above.
Remember that complaining can become addictive, especially if
you’re around people who complain a lot.
Rarely does an emotionally intelligent person complain or feel victimized,
and even feels that there isn’t a solution to a problem.
So instead of looking for someone or something to blame,
they think constructively and find the solution in peaceful private places.
4. Breath Deeply!
When we are stressed emotionally, our bodies react as there’s a
Our heart rate speeds up, blood vessels drop and our eye vision is unclear.
This is why smokers when they need nicotine, they get the stress response
and these chemical symptoms start happening and you need a quick fix by
lighting a cigarette and inhale deeply.
I will link HERE the whole post of 3 breathing techniques you can try!
5. Predict Your Feelings
Think and plan a situation or place you’re going into and predict how you will feel.
Be sure to give every feeling a name or even better write the name
if it’s more convenient because naming the feeling puts you in control.
Try to choose an appropriate reaction to the feeling
rather than just reacting to it.
In Conclusion later when home or in a peaceful place, analyze some of the emotions
that were unpleasant or unclear to you. (What/Why Analyze)
“Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality
that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough.
Only through managing our emotions can we access our Intellect
and our technical competence.
An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure.”
-Dave Lennick, Executive VP, American Express-
I Recommend These Books For Greater
Understanding of Emotional Intelligence:
Thinking, Fast and Slow- By Daniel Kahneman
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